Caroline Rozario
“Nature is one of the greatest teachers. The lessons taught by Nature are not always simple, but they help us realize our potentials. Ever wondered who teaches the birds to fly so freely. It’s quite interesting how they learn it. When these birds are born, the mother bird hides them in her nest to keep them safe from predators. Every day she files out of her nest and gets food for them. In time, the birds become comfortable and don’t want to leave the nest. Nonetheless, the mother bird knows her children cannot be shielded from outside dangers for long and they need to learn to fly quickly. That’s when some of the birds stop feeding their children. You might think it’s quite brutal, however, as a consequence the little birds discern they need to come out of their nests to search for food and to survive. Thus, after making a few unsuccessful attempts, they finally learn to fly. It’s the same with us human beings, sometimes we are so much at ease in our cocoons that we don’t want to come out of it. And then Universe tosses challenges at us, to make us uncomfortable. We are left with no other options and have to come out of our cocoons. After a few failed attempts we realize our true strengths. Once we realize our potential, We Fly!
I was born in a conservative south Indian, Christian family. I was the only daughter after three sons. My parents gave a lot of importance to discipline, yet they loved me dearly. I studied in one of the best schools and colleges. After I completed my graduation, I decided to enroll myself in a Masters’s program. Though in our family daughters were married off immediately after graduation, I had different aspirations for my future. I was disappointed when my parents informed me that they had started looking for a match for me. I was told there was no way I could continue my studies. My mother supported me but realized quite early on that my father had made up his mind. I met my future husband once and our marriage was fixed. He was professionally well placed, from a good background, and settled in the UK. We only spoke a few times over the phone, yet I quickly perceived he had quite divergent belief system than me. I was a little skeptical and even shared my apprehensions with my mother. However, we felt I was over-reacting, considering I have had only a couple of interactions with him. Thus, we decided to go ahead with the alliance. Somewhere I still had a gut feeling that all was not well. Not listening to that feeling was probably the poorest decision of my life.
We got married and I moved to the UK. Since the first three to four months were good, I pushed all the worries, I had before getting married, aside. It all began when I started getting comfortable. There were certain rules which I was supposed to follow. At first, I was ok with them, but with time it started becoming more and more rigid. I was not allowed to go outside on my own, call my parents, or given the freedom to wear whatever I wanted. I was even told what I could or couldn’t eat. And then I got pregnant. The time which is the most joyous for any woman became a nightmare for me. My unborn child was not wanted. Fortunately, after the intervention of the family, we decided to keep the baby. I was the happiest when my daughter came into the world. I had found a companion and a friend in her. She gave me a new lease on life. My days and nights were filled with her smiles and laughter. However, things had taken an ugly turn, now and then when I didn’t comply I had to endure the physical consequences. Though the physical pain was nothing compared to the mental agony, I had to experience every single day. My daughter had filled my emptiness, yet there were days I felt very alone. There was no one I could confide in. During this period there were two more pregnancies, but I couldn’t keep them. I was tormented by the thought of letting my unborn children down. And then I fell pregnant again. I was too scared to fight for my child and one day when I couldn’t take it anymore, I decided to seek help from my God. I went to the church and cried my heart out. When I spoke to the priest, he persuaded me to fight for my child. And thus, I fought and luckily won! Not everyone can take the defeat kindly, so I was sent to India to deliver the child. All along my parents knew I was miserable in my marriage, but they were not aware of the gravity of the situation. I didn’t want to cause any worry and upset so I hadn’t disclosed anything to them. While I was 7th month in my pregnancy I was asked to return to the UK. I decided to return with my daughter and arrived in the UK on a chilly morning completely unaware of what was about to unfold.
After I returned, I had not even settled down properly when I was informed a divorce case had already been filed. I was shattered, with nowhere to go, I flew back to India and delivered my little boy Vivian there. The days were very busy but nights when both the children were asleep, I had these feelings of hopelessness and emptiness. I was not able to fathom what the future held for me and my children. There was an eerie silence at the other end.
After one year I decided to come back to the UK with my children. My parents wanted me to stay with them in India, but I didn’t wish to teach my children to run away from misfortunes. Moreover, I felt my children were my responsibility. I returned to the UK and my parents accompanied us. They lived with us for 6 months to help us settle down. While I pursued MBA,I was on benefits for about two and a half years. I couldn’t find any job after finishing my Masters, hence I volunteered in a NGO. There I met my mentor Dr. Arinola Araba. She helped me tremendously by guiding me in every step of the way. After few months, while visiting Specsavers I met their Director who offered me a job. I started working part-time there. The entire team of Specsavers supported me greatly and even now they are my biggest cheerleaders. From there I moved into a full-time job as an HR professional.
After 5 years my divorce was finalized, there was hardly any financial respite, but I got the full and sole custody of my children. I had never planned this life for myself or my children. I wanted my daughter and son to experience a loving and secure life as I had lived mine as a child. I am a single mother, none the less, I am determined that my children should not experience any less love, security, or happiness. My children are my biggest strength. They are doing exceptionally well in school. Because of them, I have been invited to several places to talk about parenting. I even manage events for my local mayor and counselor.
A lot of people still ask me if I am bitter about the whole thing. I tell them, I am not bitter, just a lot wiser. Wise enough to know that we can’t escape sufferings in our lives, they are as inevitable as they are unwanted. A heart that breaks is also the heart that opens up to more light and to receive more love. I also feel it’s very important to have an anchor in life, something which will carry you when you can’t walk any longer. And my anchor has always been my faith in God. I have walked the treacherous paths, experienced the misfortunes and harsh trials but I have been able to come out unscathed only because of my faith. A few months ago, when I wanted to buy a house, I took a leap of faith and applied for the mortgage. All I had with me were my prayers. It’s been four months since we have moved into our own house.
There has been a shift in thinking of my family as well. Now all the girls in the family are provided equal chances to do well and thrive in their careers. They are consulted before any decisions are made for them. My parents and my family continue to support me even now. They are my security blanket and I continue to thrive because of their unshakable belief and unconditional love for me.
People might think our family is not complete but I believe families are not made by the number of people, it’s made by the people who love, respect, and support each other. As for me, a bird, who was scared to even come out of the nest has finally found its strength and learned to fly freely in the sky”.
“YOU can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending”. C.S.Lewis
Caroline Rozario lives in Essex with her Daughter Joanna and Son Vivian. A full time HR professional when she is not planning local community events, she loves to cook and spend time with her Children. With a flair for interior designing she loves taking up interiors designing jobs and recently completed interiors for an office.
Pic Credit: Caroline Rozario
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